Peeve

Ever since I was a teenager, my major pet peeve (trivial as it may be) is chewing/food noises. I wish it wasn't so because clearly you can never really avoid it. Try as I may. The irritation can get so bad that I have gone to such lengths as turning music up louder at my desk when a cubicle neighbor's chewing breaks the cubicle barrier, plugging my ears when it's been someone in a class, or just flat out leaving the room.

I have no idea when or why this problem started. But seriously, as soon as I hear it, I can't help but hone in on it. I can't help it. I can do nothing but focus directly on the noise. It's not always just food. Once during a final in college, the girl sitting next to me bit her nails the entire hour and a half. I silently debated whether or not slapping her hands away from her mouth in a fit of disgust would be too immature.

Unfortunately one of the worse food items to create noise by any partaker is the banana. I say unfortunately because I enjoy bananas and I personally have a hard time eating one because of the noise it makes. I can still hear it even thought it's me. I very often will put peanut butter on it because it breaks up the consistency some and makes it less goopy to eat (also because PB is one of the most magnificent foods ever). If I am at home eating a banana, I will also make sure the TV is on, anything to break up the horrible sound from resonating in my own ears.

There is a personality test question about what would be your personal hell. Mine would be making me sit in the middle of a room surrounded by nothing but people who don't know how to chew quietly. I would shoot myself. We are not animals. We are civilized people. We walk upright. We wear pants and deodorant. There is not need to sound like an animal when we eat. If you're super hungry, that's great. Congratulations on eating a meal. But you didn't just spend an hour running down your meal in the jungle. You will probably get to eat again tomorrow. So chew like it.