Monday, October 20, 2008

Apartment Creations

Last weekend my roommate and I threw a house-warming party of sorts. Since it's not really a house, just an apartment, it was mainly just an excuse to throw a party and meet the new people in the area. We wanted to do something a little more interesting than just the usual goodies so we bought an IN-credible cookbook full of creative ways to decorate cupcakes. We opted for the ones that were Halloween/Fall-ish themed.

The first ones are owls using Oreos and Junior Mints with chocolate cupcakes with Milky Ways inside. The pumpkins are pumpkin spice cupcakes, cream cheese frosting, with green and orange Twizzlers. The last ones (my favorite) were butter pecan cupcakes, butter cream frosting, with melting chocolate and M&Ms to make the bugs.

Prior to the party I was asking a woman I work with for some advice on candy stores around the area. I told her what we were doing with the candy and her response was, "Oh! That's so cute! You girls are going to be such good moms!" Awesome.

The very last picture is of some wall decals in the apartment. I've seen wall decals in various stores and magazines but didn't feel like paying the $50+ for them so I decided to make them myself. I looked up an easy and really inexpensive way to do it and went to it. There's a lot of detail on how to do it so if you want more info, just ask. It was rather time consuming.

I love projec
ts. I need to do more of them, especially when I can eat them.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Completely Pointless Post of the Week

The 9 Most Unnecessary Greatest Hits Albums Ever
*Disclaimer: I did not write this article. I would give proper credit to the source but I have edited the article for cleanliness purposes.
A greatest hits album is an artist's testament to a long and prolific career. Or at least it would be, if it wasn't for the fact that pretty much anybody can release one, regardless of how few hits they actually have to their name. As evidence of this, we give you...

The window of time in which the world actually cared about Vanilla Ice was maybe a year, max. But as adored as he may have been for 52 weeks in 1990-1991, he was absolutely hated a million times more for about ten years after.
Best Moment: How do you pick just one? How about "Ninja Rap," a song whose "go ninja, go ninja, go!" evokes awesome visions of actual ninjas doing the running man, until you realize it's a song from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack?
Most Awesome User Review: "If you decide to buy this CD, wait patiently by the mail box till it arrives. Upon arrival, quickly open the box, then pull the security tape from the jewel case. Open the jewel case and place the CD in one hand. Break the CD in half, then slit your wrists with the remaining shards. As you begin to die look at your reflection in the mirror-like surface of the broken CD, and ask your self what you were thinking when you ordered this CD!"

The second sentence of Nelson's Wikipedia entry perfectly sums up the total lack of need for this "best of" collection to even exist: "They had a No. 1 hit in the United States with "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" during the week of September 29, 1990." Yep, for one week, these dudes were kings!
Best Moment:"Won't Walk Away," an about-as-awesome-as-Nelson-will-ever-get pop-rock cheese fest that answers the age old question, "what would it sound like if The Replacements were mutilated by Styx?"
Most Awesome User Review: "Nelson's powerful melodic sound was the logical follow up to the Journey/Foreigner/Loverboy arena rock sound of the 80's. NELSON ROCKS! There, I said it."

Fact: kids have horrendous taste in music. They don't know any better. In light of this, we don't care how many "hits" this kid may or may not have had as a result of catering to the 8 and under demographic (we didn't check). We are grown folks talking about grown up music and we say this kid makes the list. Most requested hits? Requested by who?
Best Moment: "That's How I Beat Shaq," in which a 15-year-old white kid tells his friends how he met Shaquille O'Neal on a playground and schooled him in a game of one on one. In the end though, it turns out to be a dream!! We didn't see that coming, yo!
Most Awesome User Review: "A greatest hits collection from the greatest EVER!!! A.C. gets his props as all of his illustrious hits are presented in Dolby 5.1 surround sound!!! WORD. Don't sleep on Aaron Carter, although the omission of "Stride (Jump on the Fizzy) is inexcusable."

Color Me Badd actually had 5 top 20 singles between 1991 and 1992. A couple of them even made it to #1. So why shouldn't they have released a greatest hits album? For starters, try naming one of those top 20 singles that isn't "I Wanna Sex You Up." On a slightly unrelated side bar, Wikipedia notes that for the band's fourth album, Now & Forever, "sales were well below those expected from the group, with initial sales of only 32 units in the U.S." There are no sources cited, and that could be a typo, if not, that's the saddest thing we've ever read.
Best Moment: We really can't say enough about "Sexual Capacity." If ever a pan flute was used with sexier results, we'd be astounded. We were kind of shocked just to hear one being used somewhere other than a Zamfir: Master of the Pan Flute commercial or a Kung-Fu flick, actually.
Most Awesome User Review: "Some nights before I go to bed, I say my prayers and simply stare at my gorgeous self in the mirror. I thank the heavens I look like I do and ask for things like a White Lion reunion tour or Grim Reaper at my four year old's birthday party. Usually, my requests go unanswered. That was, until this CD came out."

Drop the "s" off the end of the album title and release it as a two track CD single featuring "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina" and you'd have a perfectly legitimate Tone Loc greatest hits collection. Notice that the title "Wild Thing & Other Hits" suggests that somebody is afraid people may have forgotten the name of "the guy who sang 'Wild Thing' back in the 80's." That's probably a valid concern.
Best Moment: When Vanilla Ice stole the bass line from Queen's "Under Pressure" for his sole hit "Ice Ice Baby," he was taken to court. Tone Loc did the same thing twice on almost equally huge songs. "Wild Thing," which sampled Van Halen's "Janie's Cryin'" and "Funky Cold Medina" which sampled Kiss' "Christine Sixteen," both without permission fromthe respective bands, resulted in zero lawsuits. Further proof that the world hates Vanilla Ice.
Most Awesome User Review (Tie):
1. "Loc's production was ultra-smooth and he had lyrical help-- "Funky Cold Medina" and "Wild Thing" are still some of the smartest (and funniest) lyrics in rap, and were penned by none other than Will Smith (the Fresh Prince)."
2. "This guy who typed that Will Smith penned wild thing and funky cold medina obviously does not know what he is talkin about. They were written by Young MC."

Soulless, borderline-offensive-to-the-genre blues songs performed by rich white men are an art form loved by dozens. Bruce Willis (or Bruno, as he's called by graying lame-os who prefer their blues served with a heaping side of financially stable) actually has FOUR best-of collections. Ultimately, we settled on "The Master Series" because of the awesome title and super gay album cover.
Best Moment: At the 2:03 mark of an up-to-that-point less-than-lively rendition of "Under the Boardwalk," Bruce unexpectedly shouts "Yipee-ki-yay!!!" and launches into a searing blues rock guitar solo. Ok, not really. There are no good moments to be found anywhere on this CD.
Most Awesome User Review: "according to me this record is a very good one because of his very well managed sound and ability to resume in an only one record so much good music!"

As sketchy as our memory tends to be, we would still probably recall if there was a time when John Tesh was tearing up the pop charts, kicking the likes of Prince and Madonna to and fro with his killer synthesizer riffs and complex wind chime arrangements.
Best Moment: The scarily titled "One World." With its march of war percussion and tension filled strings, if this isn't the theme song to an alien invasion, we don't know what is.
Most Awesome User Review:"ONE WORLD--Do I spot allusions to X-FILES?"

Putting an actual musician with a huge hit and stone hip-hop classic to his credit ("Bust A Move") ahead of the likes of Hudson Hawk on a list of the most ridiculous greatest hits albums of all time may seem like a curious choice, but this is as far from a greatest hits or best of collection as it gets. In fact, "The Best of Young MC" is really just his first album with a different title, a different albumcover and three fewer songs. You heard me: three fewer songs.
Best Moment: At this point, we don't have the heart tomake fun of Young MC anymore. The best moment is "Bust A Move."
Most Awesome User Review: "In the song "Bust A move" Young MC makes a song that might be one of the greatest Hip-Hop songz of all time. He was also one of the first Black Man to ever be on the top of the charts, also Tone Loc. "my Name is young" is another one of Youngs greatest songs where he talks about who he is, and why his rap name is Young MC and that is cause his last name is Young and he also says that when he started he was Young (10 yrs Old) so they called him Young MC."

It's not that Shaq didn't have a lot of hits; it's that he didn't have any hits. None. Have you seen Kazaam? It's better than every single song on this album. Despite this lack of success, Shaquille O'Neal was the basketball rap pioneer who paved the way for every baller with a shoe contract and a dream to release an album in the mid to late 90s, eventually leading to the doomsday scenario of "K.O.B.E.," a lyrically retarded single by Kobe Bryant featuring Tyra Banks. Thanks, punk.
Best Moment: "Biological Didn't Bother (G-Funk version)," a love song dedicated to the dude who married Shaq's mom, set to the type of mid-90s west coast hip hop groove normally reserved for far less gay topics. Inexplicably, it's on the album twice.
Most Awesome User Review:"Usually people are only lucky enough to be given one truly great talent. Shaq was blessed with two. In fact, he's even better at music than basketball. The songs on The Best Of Shaq move me - some to the point of tears. This Best Of will hold a special place on my cd shelf - right next to The Best Of David Hasselhoff. My only wish now is that Shaq's next album will be one where he just does love songs. It could be called "Love Shaq."

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

And the winner is...

I would like to announce that, according to Bandido's mexican restaurant, Barack Obama is winning the presidential election. How do I know this? Because at Bandido's, patrons can cast their bean in a jar for their respective candidate of choice. I myself cast my bean for McCain though it was clear that Obama's bean jar had about 1/3 more beans than McCain's. So from this controlled study I conclude:

1) People who eat Mexican food are more likely to vote for Obama
2) People who are going to vote for McCain don't feel like sticking their hand in a dirty jar of pinto beans
3) Who needs the electoral system? Let's just count beans!


Monday, October 13, 2008

I'm it.

Thanks goes to Ariel for tagging me and giving me an easy out on something to post on. This is my tag photo. The 4th photo from the 4th folder in my pictures. It's a picture of my lovely friends Camillia and Dixie from a campout last fall. The way they're dressed you'd think it was December. It was October. Oooo now I want to go camping again.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dirty Mouth?

There is an attorney in my office that says that there are two things in this world that he will never understand - "Electricity and Republicans". For me, the two things in this world that I will never understand are the stock market and toothbrushes. I recently went on a trip to Walmart for the standard re-supplying of some essentials. Since the incumbent toothbrush is from circa July 2008, on that list was a new toothbrush.

When did toothbrushes get so complicated? And why? I typically dread the toothbrush buying experience. I can never purchase a toothbrush in less than 10 minutes. There are way too many factors to consider - size, bristle softness, color, tongue-scrubber, electronic, manual, crazy criss-crossing bristles. (I once accidently bought one that had the tongue-scrubber. I didn't like it. Have you ever attempted to scrub your tongue with one of those things? It's not very pleasant.) I also can never buy the same toothbrush twice. This is not because I am fickle. It is because I can never seem to FIND the toothbrush I am currently using. I have a hard time remembering exactly what it is I have at home while looking at the 284 toothbrush options on the wall at Walmart.

Nowadays it seems almost archaic to still use a manual toothbrush. You have to spend $100 on a super-charged motorized get-up to truly have clean teeth. Sure I can still purchase the standard, flat, non-sparkly white tooth brush. But that's not what the ads are telling me. I have been ruined. I now need batter-powered bristles. I need the toothbrush with 9 different types of bristles to clean parts of my mouth I didn't know I had to prevent problems I didn't even know were possible.

Are our teeth really that bad?? Who was the last person you knew with wooden teeth? There are certain health advances that I understand. Granted I am not in the teeth business but I was unaware that dental health continues to decline, despite the current teeth care available to us, to the point where it necessitates such rapid advances in our toothbrushes.

This is the toothbrush I finally settled on. It's called the Colgate 360®. It looks pretty freakin scary doesn't it? I have no idea why it is better. I was just tired of looking at them. I think I was sold on the crazy purple-tips and orange rubber circular bristles. This also has a rubber no-slip grip pad on the handle. Ya know, because otherwise that sucker just flies right out of your hand.

I am going to make a plug for mid-level products. I have, on a number of occassions, been asked
if I bleach my teeth. What I usually tell people - "No, they're just clean." I spend roughly $3 on a tooth brush every 3 months. Add that with the other $3 I spend on toothpaste, a couple bucks for dental floss, and the fact that I've had maybe 2 fillings in the past 10 years of my life, I'm yet to be sold on hi-tech toothbrushes. Maybe I'm just an exception rather than the norm although watch me end up with 8 cavities the next time I go to the dentist.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Obama said knock you out

I have never really been one to get into substantial political conversations very often. I think what I think. You think what you think. That's what makes democracy work. If I feel passionately enough, I'll say something but for the most part, I keep my opinions to myself. That being said, I also cannot resist a joke (as lame as it may be) when one comes to mind. Some of you may have noticed the new and improved Obama poster/sticker/sign.

There is some sort of story about how the artist aspired to find a design that would attract the younger generation. Also, he actually used a pose almost identical to one of John F. Kennedy, but without the pop-art coloring, of course. I guess I am technically in the younger generation of our society. And the first thing to come to my mind was not "hope" or "change" or me being immediately sold on Obama the Great. It was more along the lines of "big giant politicians face to be carried around during a riot." To best describe my first impression, I feel that I must use visuals.

Rest assured, I am not calling Obama a communist. I am making no political statements in any way. I just feel that the new Obama poster is one step closer to America adopting the use of the HUGE building-size posters with a politicians giant face. You know what I'm talking about. They're always in movies with some sort of Russian dictator. I thought the same thing when Salt Lake draped those huge banners over the buildings downtown for the 2002 Winter Olympics. And just to drive the non-political-jab point home, the last example is of Ivan Drago.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Completely Pointless Post of the Week

Awesomely bad celebrity commercials

Two of the most amazing additions to life in the 90's - NERF products and the butt-cut flipped over to one side.

Anyone remember the movie The Wizard? When they unvailed the super-secret Super Mario Brothers 3?! Then came the super-charged Super Nintendo. Oh how far we've come...

To me, this might be some of Keanu's primo acting. Interpretive dancing with the boxes of cereal? I bet he improved that part.

I remember this commercial but I clearly never put it together that it's Brad Pitt. I love how the guys use the hot girls just for their food then leave. So typical.

I don't know about you, but when I think John McClane, I think wine coolers.
"You have about 70 wine coolers and you are FLYING!"

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