Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Sucking Face 101

I have had numerous conversations with people about what, in their opinion, makes someone a bad kisser. Clearly everyone is different and prefers/dislikes certain things. But overall, I would say that for most people, kissing is pretty fab. You may even get those electrifying kisses that leave you on the doorstep bracing for stability as you try to remember where your feet are. But every once in a while,we encounter someone that is a little (or a lot) less than favorable in the lip-locking department.

There is great anticipation
in kissing someone new. You never really know what to expect. You
may have really wanted to kiss this person, but wham! they end up leaving your face feeling like a dog's chew-toy. The romance of the situation is now a deflating balloon and you find yourself wondering if maybe they have a cute best friend. Or if you like them enough, take them on as a student and teach them the ways of the maestro (because clearly, it's never US that has the handicap right?). Or if they are a complete moron, just anonymously email them this article.

As with most things in life, we must take the good with the bad in order to truly appreciate the good
. And so it shall also be with kissing. I randomly came across these comics today on types of bad kissers and knew I needed to share them with the blogging world. If you find yourself pondering too long about whether or not you commit any of these blunders, then you are probably guilty. Whether it's a hoover, the copy-cat, a biter, a licker, or just flat out boring, one thing is for sure, they all make for great stories to tell your friends (with complete omission of names, of course).

Monday, November 24, 2008

Hi, my name is Kelley, and I saw Twilight on opening night

This weekend I saw the movie. Don't worry, these are merely my thoughts and feelings and no spoilers are contained in this post.

I acknowledge that I am a Twilight fan. I read the books at the recommendation of my sister-in-law and my mom and a few others. I read the first and was entertained. I read the second and while it did take me longer to read it because I stopped about a third of the way through because I couldn't handle how mopey Bella was, I enjoyed it better than the first. Overall, I feel like the third was my favorite. The fourth was anticlimactic. Yes, not only have I read the books, but I have put thought into how I feel about them.

This being said, I feel that they played it too safe with Twilight (the movie). My basic opinion is that the movie was boring. Maybe it's because I read the book so I knew what was happening. A good portion of the books are focused on the main characters thoughts (it's written in first person) with a smaller part of dialogue and actual events, so naturally it was difficult to capture this in the movie. My favorite character portrayals were Jasper and James. Bella was exactly how I would have expected. Her character was done very well.

I think that the movies will follow similarly to the way the Harry Potter movies have been made. The first one needed to stay very true to the book in order to ensure that all the fans were happy with it. Then once the producers/directors have everyone trusting them, they will venture out a little more and take more risks in making the movies better.

My final thought about why I didn't love the movie is probably controversial. I was not in love with the books. GASP! I do not feel that Edward is dreamy or that any man in my life will unfortnately have to live up to my fantasy of the vampire-love-of-my-life. Edward actually annoys me. And I think Bella is whiney. The magic of the books was apparently lost on me. Because of this, I think I was more critical of the books in a literary sense therefore causing my skepticism with the movie.

So there we have it. That's my sort of review. I will probably watch it again and like it better the second time around. I didn't hate it. But I'm not ordering my "I'm just a Bella waiting for her Edward" t-shirt any time soon.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Because it's Friday

I don't know how many of you are aware of the Yahoo! Answers website, but it's golden. People can ask whatever questions they want to the web-world and anyone can answer. You can learn so much from people who don't know anything. I have selected a few for your reading pleasure.

Is there any free dating Russian or US sites?
Thats pretty much what I want to know. Is there any sites online that are free, not just to join but to send messages too, both in the US, Russia, Ukraine, Ireland, U.K.. Im not having any luck on myspace, I just dont find any of the girls on there attractive in the US when I browse. The ones I do like, are usually out of the US. I also noticed I dont really need myspace to meet anyone, it is free though thats why I still use it. My preference is Russian so thats why I am looking for something legit, as far as going out there, it would be nice, it would be even better to meet one thats already here, but no luck with that so far. LOL, I feel like that U2 song, "But I still havent found what Im looking for", in the US that is. Im not a loser or anything like that, Im far from it. Hands down, Im just looking for a female thats atleast my age, not so much in there early 20's, atleast 23-26. Anything younger than that, I am skeptical.
(No good answers) But really, if you have to defend your non-loser status it may not be very effective when you're talking about international dating websites. It's kind of a give-away. He could always go for the mail-order system. I hear they get great reviews.

What is a stalactite? religion?
what are their beliefs?
Your Answer: (I answered this one myself)
I know they worship in caves but for centuries they have battled with opposing religions such as the stalagmites for jurisdiction in the caves. Think Israel and Palestine but in caverns.

Why is Walmart's smallest size a 6?
Even their petite's smallest is a 6?Why don't they make clothes for 3's or 4's?
My pick for best answer:
The obvious answer only over weight people shop at Walmart

Me and my BFF are friends with this 20 year old guy...(we are 15)?
We get along great and we all have a lot of fun. My other BFF doesnt like it that we are freinds with it...she says that he may like us. That may be true. We do text each other and sometimes he text really late at night to just say wats up. He is kindof touchy (but not inapropriate touch) and stuff like that. My friend belives he likes me...but i honestly dont know...what u think about this.? Do you think he likes me? I mean we told each other we c each other as friends....but what do u think about this situation. I know many people who are my age and are friends with 18 to 20 year olds.
My pick for best answer:
you are kind of stupid. no you are really stupid. sorry to say but that is super illegal and nasty he's probably got some disease.

What do you do to calm yourself?
My best answer picks:
Get mad first
smoke a fattie
drink a wine cooler
I pull my ears, or go for a hike.

Should I tell my son that I have been forging celebrity/athlete's autographs, and giving them as presents? ?
Since my son was 4 years old, I have been forging celebrity autographs. It started out because I didnt have any money to buy presents, so I just signed a page in People magazine, and gave it to him for his birthdays and christmas. I stopped the forging when heturned 16. He is 18 now. Should I tell him, or keep it a secret? Or maybe just keep on doing it since it was free? I mean if hes too stupid to know they are fake, why not?
My best answer pick:

How much does a 13 year emo boy weigh.?
I am 13 and want to be emo I weigh 115 Lbs how much should I lose?I was thinking about losing 30 Lbs. And how long should it take and what should I do too lose the pounds. I stoped eating and only drink water. What elts do i do.
My best answer picks:
You cannot strive to be emo...you merely head down that spiral until things are really terrible.
I'm not emo, but i dont think you should loose any weight.... i get made fun of for being so skinny.. it feels good... jsut be yourself, weight has nothing to do with being emo... just dont cut yourself.... its bad
Maybe you should see a therapist.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


Ever since I was a teenager, my major pet peeve (trivial as it may be) is chewing/food noises. I wish it wasn't so because clearly you can never really avoid it. Try as I may. The irritation can get so bad that I have gone to such lengths as turning music up louder at my desk when a cubicle neighbor's chewing breaks the cubicle barrier, plugging my ears when it's been someone in a class, or just flat out leaving the room.

I have no idea when or why this problem started. But seriously, as soon as I hear it, I can't help but hone in on it. I can't help it. I can do nothing but focus directly on the noise. It's not always just food. Once during a final in college, the girl sitting next to me bit her nails the entire hour and a half. I silently debated whether or not slapping her hands away from her mouth in a fit of disgust would be too immature.

Unfortunately one of the worse food items to create noise by any partaker is the banana. I say unfortunately because I enjoy bananas and I personally have a hard time eating one because of the noise it makes. I can still hear it even thought it's me. I very often will put peanut butter on it because it breaks up the consistency some and makes it less goopy to eat (also because PB is one of the most magnificent foods ever). If I am at home eating a banana, I will also make sure the TV is on, anything to break up the horrible sound from resonating in my own ears.

There is a personality test question about what would be your personal hell. Mine would be making me sit in the middle of a room surrounded by nothing but people who don't know how to chew quietly. I would shoot myself. We are not animals. We are civilized people. We walk upright. We wear pants and deodorant. There is not need to sound like an animal when we eat. If you're super hungry, that's great. Congratulations on eating a meal. But you didn't just spend an hour running down your meal in the jungle. You will probably get to eat again tomorrow. So chew like it.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Weekend Adventures

The past few weekends I've been quite busy. I don't usually make posts full of pictures but I've decided to put up a few from recent outtings.

Our group in front of the fountains at Kings Dominion. It kind of rained most of the day. Nothing too terrible. The best part was that the weather kept a lot of people away and the lines were so short!

Stephanie, Cassie and I went on the Sky Flyer. It was amazing. I did it once before in high school but I don't remember it being as high as this one. I got nominated as the one to pull the rip-cord at the top. There is nothing like being suspended 160 feet in the air and staring facedown to the ground and knowing that I have the control of releasing us into a freefall. I nearly wet my pants. But Steph, Cassie and I are very proud of ourselves for doing it.

Last weekend a group of us spent the day at a paintball course. My friends look so intense don't they? They're actually smiling under the scary masks. This was before we started and everyone was still happy and mud- and paint-free. I only got two wounds that bled this time.

Poor Jericho. This is what happens when two boys go Rambo on each other's helmets. The other guy looked just as bad. (Jericho made sure I pointed that out)

Following the paintball activity, we did an awesome activity for a couple friends' birthdays. We did a photo scavenger hunt. We were split into groups and given a list of 21 "things" that we had to find/create and take a picture of. We all gathered back at the apartment and compared photos. It was one of the most fun things I've done in this city in a while. The above picture is my group's photo for "can we all fit". In case you can't tell, we're in a display shower at Home Depot.

This past weekend I took Jericho to see Jerry Seinfeld at Memorial Auditorium in Raleigh. (This isn't my photo. We weren't THAT close). I bought the tickets for him for his birthday. It was really great seeing him live! We both thought he acted a little tipsy at first (it was his second show of the night) but he was still the hilarious Jerry Seinfeld we'd expected. We went to dinner beforehand at my new favorite sushi restaurant downtown. So yummy!!

The next day/night we went with a group of friends to the NC State/Wake Forest football game. Every time I go to any live game I'm always reminded how much I LOVE sporting events. It was a great game, even though I'm not especially a State fan.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I hate wearing shoes

It's true. I hate wearing shoes. It's as simple as that. While I love the cold weather because it means I can wear my hoodies more often, I hate that I must retire my flip flops.

At my previous office, I was teased on multiple occassions for wearing sandals in "cold" weather. I don't think people understand the impact of living in Southeast Idaho for four years. People in North Carolina don't know what cold is. I remember there was a guy in one of my college classes that had a competition going with a friend so see who could wear sandals the entire school year. I don't know who won but I know that he was hating life on days that he had to trudge through a foot of snow to get to class. As long as there is no snow on the ground, you'll probably see me in sandals. Although, sometimes you will see me in clogs. I find that they are winter's compromise to the sandal.

Call me immature. Call me lazy. Call me stupid. Whatever. To me, the advantages of sandals far outweigh the disadvantages of cold weather. I have four toe-rings. I will admit. Life is easier wearing sandals when you have
four toe-rings.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Stuff White People Like

In case some of you haven't figured it out yet, when I am lacking in blogging ideas, I blog about other people's stuff. There is a blog that I visit semi-regularly called Stuff White People Like. It's linked on Mary's page as well. Go read it. You'll love it. I promise.

One that I found particulary awesome is on "Being Offended." I personally find being offended such a wasted emotion. It's probably a contributing factor to why I'm a republican. In addition to the great article, the 1,000+ comments that were left on it were filled with a lot of (white) people ticked at the generalization of the statements. Hm... case in point?

#101 Being Offended. To be offended is usually a rather unpleasant experience, one that can expose a person to intolerance, cultural misunderstandings, and even evoke the scars of the past. This is such an unpleasant experience that many people develop a thick skin and try to only be offended in the most egregious and awful situations. In many circumstances, they can allow smaller offenses to slip by as fighting them is a waste of time and energy. But white people, blessed with both time and energy, are not these kind of people. In fact there are few things white people love more than being offended.

Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people. In fact, they don’t even have a problem making offensive statements about other white people (ask a white person about “flyover states”). As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended. They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive. When this happens, they can leap into action with quotes, statistics, and historical examples. Once they have finished lecturing another white person about how it’s wrong to use the term “black” instead of “African-American,” they can sit back and relax in the knowledge that they have made a difference.

White people also get excited at the opportunity to be offended at things that are sexist and/or homophobic. Both cases offering ample opportunities for lectures, complaints, graduate classes, lengthy discussions and workshops. All of which do an excellent job of raising awareness among white people who hope to change their status from “not racist” to “super not racist.”Another thing worth noting is that the threshold for being offended is a very important tool for judging and ranking white people. Missing an opportunity to be outraged is like missing a reference to Derrida-it’s social death.

If you ever need to make a white person feel indebted to you, wait for them to mention a book, film, or television show that features a character who is the same race as you, then say “the representation of [insert race] was offensive and if you can’t see that, well, you need to do some soul searching.” After they return from their hastily booked trip to land of your ancestors, they will be desperate to make it up to you. At this point, it is acceptable to ask them to help you paint your house.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Proud to be an American

Last night, democracy spoke and proclaimed Barack Obama as the new president. In most elections I attempt to find the positive in all candidates. I have no intention on turning into someone full of hate and loathing if my candidate of choice is not elected.

It was no secret that I was pulling for McCain so clearly my reaction was not in the similitude of one, Jesse Jackson. But...

Nevertheless, I did not throw myself down on the floor in a conniption after the official declaration was made that Obama won.
I did not examine my finances and living situation to see if I could move out of the country.
I am not going to buy up guns this week in fear that now they will be much harder to acquire.
I didn't run on the bank.
I haven't started practicing calling everyone "comrade."
I didn't cry.
I am not going to petition to the State of North Carolina and all other members of the Solid South to secede from the Union (although people do keep comparing Obama to Lincoln, hm....)
I am still going to write my letters to my State's representatives to get tickets to the inauguration.

Although, I AM concerned. During the campaigning, I saw a man that was very charismatic and very poised. After every speech, to include the one last night, I accepted what a fantastic speaker Barack is. I am concerned because I still feel that Obama won over Americans more with his charisma and poise than his policies. Last night, when he spoke from Chicago, I agreed with what he said, as I'm sure most Americans would. He spoke of unity, progress, self-reliance and liberty. Now that he is elected, I am anxious (in a good way), to see how he is going to bring those things about. Obama spoke a lot to the emotions of the people. Now it's time to give us the substance to warrant those emotions.

Over the next four years, I want to be proven wrong. I don't want to be skeptical and want my concerns to be put to rest. I want to see a President prove himself worthy of America's vote. I also want to see people make changes in their own lives and not rely on government to fix the world. Our individual happiness does not depend on our nation's leaders. I want to see people accept responsibility instead of pointing fingers at where the blame should fall and using that as a crutch to justify our plights. Most importantly, I hope to see Americans take it upon themselves to preserve the family unit with more effort and conviction than they ever have before. We are in time where that priority is not high on the list of the majority of our nation's leaders.

And lastly, I want to see a picture of Barack Obama, my new president, without the pensive, staring off in the distance pose. Is there no photographer out there that can capture him looking directly at the camera?

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