Dirty Mouth?

There is an attorney in my office that says that there are two things in this world that he will never understand - "Electricity and Republicans". For me, the two things in this world that I will never understand are the stock market and toothbrushes. I recently went on a trip to Walmart for the standard re-supplying of some essentials. Since the incumbent toothbrush is from circa July 2008, on that list was a new toothbrush.

When did toothbrushes get so complicated? And why? I typically dread the toothbrush buying experience. I can never purchase a toothbrush in less than 10 minutes. There are way too many factors to consider - size, bristle softness, color, tongue-scrubber, electronic, manual, crazy criss-crossing bristles. (I once accidently bought one that had the tongue-scrubber. I didn't like it. Have you ever attempted to scrub your tongue with one of those things? It's not very pleasant.) I also can never buy the same toothbrush twice. This is not because I am fickle. It is because I can never seem to FIND the toothbrush I am currently using. I have a hard time remembering exactly what it is I have at home while looking at the 284 toothbrush options on the wall at Walmart.

Nowadays it seems almost archaic to still use a manual toothbrush. You have to spend $100 on a super-charged motorized get-up to truly have clean teeth. Sure I can still purchase the standard, flat, non-sparkly white tooth brush. But that's not what the ads are telling me. I have been ruined. I now need batter-powered bristles. I need the toothbrush with 9 different types of bristles to clean parts of my mouth I didn't know I had to prevent problems I didn't even know were possible.

Are our teeth really that bad?? Who was the last person you knew with wooden teeth? There are certain health advances that I understand. Granted I am not in the teeth business but I was unaware that dental health continues to decline, despite the current teeth care available to us, to the point where it necessitates such rapid advances in our toothbrushes.

This is the toothbrush I finally settled on. It's called the Colgate 360®. It looks pretty freakin scary doesn't it? I have no idea why it is better. I was just tired of looking at them. I think I was sold on the crazy purple-tips and orange rubber circular bristles. This also has a rubber no-slip grip pad on the handle. Ya know, because otherwise that sucker just flies right out of your hand.

I am going to make a plug for mid-level products. I have, on a number of occassions, been asked if I bleach my teeth. What I usually tell people - "No, they're just clean." I spend roughly $3 on a tooth brush every 3 months. Add that with the other $3 I spend on toothpaste, a couple bucks for dental floss, and the fact that I've had maybe 2 fillings in the past 10 years of my life, I'm yet to be sold on hi-tech toothbrushes. Maybe I'm just an exception rather than the norm although watch me end up with 8 cavities the next time I go to the dentist.