Counting to Five

"Well, fear's sort of an odd thing. When I was in residency my first solo procedure was a spinal surgery on a sixteen year old kid, a girl. And at the end, after thirteen hours, I was closing her up and I, I accidentally ripped her dural sac, shredded the base of the spine where all the nerves come together, membrane as thin as tissue. And so it ripped open and the nerves just spilled out of her like angel hair pasta, spinal fluid flowing out of her and I... and the terror was just so crazy. So real. And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds, that's all I was going to give it. So I started to count: one, two, three, four, five. Then it was gone. I went back to work, sewed her up and she was fine." ~ Dr. Jack Shepherd

Lately the question I get asked by nearly everyone is "Do you know when Jericho's coming home?"

Up until recently that question has had no definitive answer. For the past two months, Jericho and all his people have been strung along without any real goal to why they were still in Kuwait. They had little real work to do. They were forming various sports leagues and Jericho was getting a lot of gym time in [which I also benefit from so no complaining here] but none were clear on their purpose in continuing to be overseas. Morale was low. People were anxious to go home. They were told amorphous future plans with assumed possibilities that they'd come home early instead of keeping on with the bogusness of the past two months.

I usually spared people the long answer to the question and said, "We don't know but worst case scenario will be June/July but the way things are going now, they should be coming home early, probably in the spring some time."

As of this past Friday, I have a real answer. After two months of dilly dally, they decided to send his platoon to Afghanistan for 90 days and will be coming home for good in July. Jericho estimates a return date of July 24. So far, this seems like a bona fide plan, at least the most bona fide plan thus far, but Jericho assures me that "this is the army", meaning they could change their minds at will. Being in self-preservation mode, I'm now assuming this is the real plan.

I tried not to bank on the idea of him coming home early. I assumed I'd be doing the taxes, taking myself out to dinner for our anniversary, going to my baby gender ultrasound by myself. 

No matter how much I logically didn't assume he'd be here, I still found myself majorly ticked that coming home early was off the table. He'll be gone for another five months. Five more months of prego aloneness. Five more months of Sydney aloneness. On Friday, the day of the news, I had very heavy boots. Every time I looked at Sydney and her awesomeness. Every time I ate a meal by myself. Every time Sydney cried and fussed and I didn't think my arms could handle it anymore. I kept focusing on this giant spotlight of loneliness and fatigue shining on me for all the world to see.

And I was miserable. That night, after Sydney went to bed and I finally got a shower and I painted my toenails the happiest pinkest color I have, I let myself cry. I cried it all out. And then I was done. I fancy myself pretty heroic. I'm competitive and egotistical. And to feel like I'm falling down without a grip on any kind of safety rail is foreign and uncomfortable. It's why I don't ski.

So that Saturday I woke up feeling a million and one times more fantastic. I can't tell you exactly why. I just knew that I was done being afraid and pitiful. I counted to five, let in all my fear and sadness and self-pity, and then it was over.

On Jericho's end, they obviously would much rather be coming home, but going to Afghanistan to have real work to do is infinitely better than what they've doing in Kuwait. So for that, I'm happy. I'm happy that he'll be feeling useful and getting to drive big fun trucks around. I'm happy that now he'll be busy, the time will go by faster for him. I'm happy we'll still be able to communicate. I'm happy that even though he's going to where the real war is, he's in a super-duper armored truck that he assures me "is meant to be blown up and keep on going."

My last pregnancy, the countdown to birth sadly coincided with Jericho leaving. This time, the birth countdown [kind of] coincides with Jericho coming home. Look at that! I'm going to make a construction paper chain for my weeks of pregnancy/when Jericho comes home. Anyone else who has a countdown, feel free to join me in my juvenile construction paper excitement.

Plans

Sometimes you plan for things in life and everything turns out pretty great.

Sometimes you don't plan for things and everything still turns our pretty okay.

And sometimes you plan for things and Heavenly Father says, "Nope. Sorry. I like my plan better."

And you end up with things like this:

In case it's not crystal clear, that's a baby. And it's not Sydney.

At the beginning of this year, I planned to lose 150 pounds. I planned on fitting into pre-pregnancy clothes. I planned to go to the beach this summer in a normal bathing suit. I planned to run some sort of race with my sister. I planned to start tanning again [don't judge me]. I planned on playing more sports. I planned on doing some awesome activities for Jericho's and my 30th birthday celebrations, to include paintballing, bouncy castles, and zip lines. I planned to backpack through Europe. I planned to go on a cross country roller coaster tour. [Maybe those last two weren't actual plans.]

But instead this year, I will be planning for baby #2, due September 17, 2012. A mere 14 months after baby #1.

So here we go. We are super excited. A little overwhelmed. But still excited. I asked Sydney if she was ready to be a big sister and she seemed pretty cool with it. I'm 11 weeks along and so far, it's been a bit of a bumpy ride. My pregnancy with Sydney was way easy. This one so far has been a little harder. Not much, but enough that I want to whine and complain a lot and have someone scratch my back and make me food that doesn't make me nauseous. And since I'm still playing the single mom thing, I whine and complain to Sydney which doesn't provide as effective results. She usually just looks up at me [since I tend to make weirdo noises when I cry. I am not a graceful crier] and smiles or blows raspberries. She still takes it pretty easy on me and that's enough.

I am currently in great awe of mothers who are pregnant while caring for multiple children. All I want to do is sleep and eat toast and ice cream but my agenda alone no longer matters. The beauty of it is that it helps keep my mind off the tough stuff. I get to play with my happy baby all day and marvel at how on earth I can have another child as cool as this one. Which I will, no doubt.

I'll be honest, I'm a little hesitant to tell people about this pregnancy, like it conveys a certain amount of irresponsibility. Who has babies 14 months apart!? Ya know who? Teen moms that haven't figured out birth control. [But at least my babies will have the same father...] And I feel like people are holding back jokes. Come on. Be inappropriate. I can take it. I need the laughs.

It'll be so cliche when Jericho comes home [date TBD]. I'll be hugging my military husband at the airport with one baby on my hip and a giant tummy evidence of the one on the way. Perhaps the new baby's initials should be R & R.

And just for fun, here is the video I sent to the family to announce the pregnancy.

Cinco (y Seis) de Sydney

Sydney turned five months while Jericho was here. This picture was maybe taken roughly around the five-month mark. She's clearly just as flummoxed as I am.

Now, my baby is six months old. Crazazee!

[she's getting harder to capture in chill-mode]

The following is info you may choose to read or not read. I understand that my child is not nearly as fascinating to you as she is to me. [Although she should be dangit.]

Favorite toys: hoodie drawstrings, mama's face, tags, her own socks, people's hands, her pacifier, a little orange monkey we named "monkey"
Favorite song: Intro to Bones or anything Beach Boys [I sort of make some of this stuff up]
Favorite activities: spitting, licking anything close to her face, squealing [and LOUDLY], yammering on and on about who knows what, making out with the inside of her carseat, picking her legs up and slamming them down on the couch/bed/crib [I can hear it downstairs when she's going to sleep]
New tricks: can kind of sit up on her own, is eating solid foods like a champ, takes our her pacifier and puts it back the right way and proclaims "Tada!"
Things that make her laugh: blowing raspberries on her tummy, tickling under her arms or her thighs, various other noises that mom does that will not be explained here b/c they are slightly embarrassing
Mom's new favorite thing: Sydney wakes up in the morning by squealing and blowing serious raspberries. Even if she's slightly fussing, the moment I walk over to her crib and say "hi" she breaks into wiggles and smiles. I'm encouraging Jericho to develop the same response.
Other continued favorite thing: she sleeps 11-12 hours straight every night. I continue to prance around in festive jubilation every morning.
Mom's least favorite new thing: Her preferred way to fall asleep is laying down instead of cradled by her mama. Sniff.
Other least favorite thing: she grunts/growls. Sometimes with enough gusto and volume that when out in public, people are surprised to see this strange noise is coming from a pretty little six-month-old girl and not a rabid beast that wandered into the local Target. 

And a few pictures so that Jericho doesn't think the thousands of pictures of our baby on the computer aren't for naught.

The first person in our family to cover herself and the floor AND the wall with sweet potatoes was in fact, NOT Sydney. [Also, my baby has a slightly wonky ear, her right one. You can see it in this photo. We thought she'd grow out of it but appears she isn't. I now dub it her Yoda ear.]

Can she be this chill all the time? Pretty please?

What We Were Up To

I sorta checked out from the Blogging/Internet world for the past couple of weeks. Why? Well. My husband was in town for two weeks. And it was glorious. We spent Christmas with both of our families at our house, blessed the baby on New Year's Day, dined with family and friends, had a date night, treated Jericho to much missed food luxuries from the States, and overall had the best lazy-days stay-cation ever. Jericho said this break was all about Sydney, which is what my life is all the time anyway, so it wasn't very tough to accommodate.

Forgive me, but I'm about to bust out some serious picture-ness. 

On the same scarf-buying Christmas present wavelength

I can't even tell you how precious it was to see her playing with Jericho. I have about five thousand pictures of just the two of them.

Helping daddy with taxes.

The girl loves her some TV. I think this one is while watching Top Gear. She likes the sounds the cars make. [So we say]

And some forced pretty ones...

#463

I think I have a problem

I really couldn't stop...

I used a borrowed camera for this and some others. I'm considering "forgetting" to give it back.

That hat may be the best $5 I ever spent. [H&M for those curious]

Christmas Movies

Oh how I love to watch Christmas movies. But I feel like I've been watching the same ones year after year. First, I would like to share with you some of my favorite parts of some of my favorite Christmas movies. Then, I would like to ask for suggestions on new Christmas movies. Or you can send them to me as presents. Whatever.
[Sorry some of the clips don't work on here but they do if you follow the link to Youtube.]



I want one of my family traditions to be having a dance party to this song every Christmas Eve.



And my other favorite part of Love Actually.



"I'M IN LOVE! I'M IN LOVE! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!"


I love so many scenes in this movie. This isn't my favorite but those Youtube clips didn't have any audio.
Where's the Tylenol!?!?! 



This one is long. But the reason why the ending to this movie is one of my favorites is because I didn't see it for like 10 years of watching the movie. Our family tradition is to watch this movie on Christmas Eve, no matter what, so for years, I'd always fall asleep before we got to the end. Then one year, I finally saw it and the movie made SO much more sense.


Two favorite things about this movie: Kate Winslet. The music. How cool would it be to have Kate Winslet and Hans Zimmer teaming to give the background narration of your life?