Friday, October 5, 2007

Political Analysis 101

Many of us are familiar with the terms "armchair quarterback" or "backseat driver". I would like to introduce a new breed of psuedo-participatory individual. I call it the Paraphernalia Politician.

The other day I passed an SUV with the bumper sticker: "Support our troops. End the war." My first thought was... Isn't that kind of the purpose of a "troop", to end a war? I'm no militarist but I kind of assumed the ultimate goal of fighting a war is to eventually end it, some may refer to it as, "winning."

This wonderful catchphrase is actually a website run by Johnny Edwards. I find this fun: "As patriots, we call on our government to support our troops in the most important way it can - by ending this war and bringing them home." THE most important way? Very thought provoking... something about tail and legs comes to mind...

I agree that war is a terrible thing to have to live through and that bringing all of our troops home would be a wonderful thing for this country. But if we didn't need it, we wouldn't have troops in the first place. I agree with this so-called patriotic view, but disagree that wanting to bring the troops home is "supporting" them. It sounds more the antithesis of support.

Lets look at our friend the armchair quarterback: How often does he, in his vocal sparrings with the TV, say something like "I don't care if you look like a total fool!! Walk off the field right now! Think of your health! Think of your family back home! Think of yourself and not the team! Just quit the game! It doesn't matter the outcome or the consequences! Just leave!"

Anyway, the point of my rantings is that I wanted to roll down my window and ask this guy: Really, homeboy, what are YOU doing to support our troops? More importantly, what are YOU doing to end the war? Did the $2.95 plus tax and shipping go towards the End the War Piggie Bank? Or, given that it's part of a campaign, go directly into Johnny's pocket? I guess if he's elected and he ends the war (b/c politicians by nature fulfill all gaurantees) then you can pat yourself on the back for spending that $2.95 to bring our troops home. Then all is right in Who-ville again. And if Johnny doesn't get elected, at least you know you may have supported a great hair cut...

I have a few political passions. I have some opinions and view points, like most people. I have also slapped campaign stickers on my car during the elections. We are all victim to being Paraphernalia Politicians every now and then. It's our nature to feel that because we have an opinion, we therefore have the need to express it in any way possible. I, myself, have a t-shirt that expresses a subject matter that I am very passionate about. And I have gotten questions and remarks so I guess the paraphernalia does serve it's purpose is some ways. So let the bumper sticker reflect, I, Kelley Smith, know how to solve the problems of this country and it's a good thing I have this sticker or else nothing good would ever come to this world.

The only thing that I feel comfortable displaying is this: I support carbs. I truly do. I hereby pledge with this car magnet to side with any candidate who promises me more carbs.


  1. Awesome Kelley! I think you should send it to the N&O editorial page! I am impressed!


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