I'm expecting...

It's official. The wheels are in motion. The research has been done. I have consulted and test driven. I am expecting a new vehicle. The official time of arrival has yet to be determined but it looks like she'll be coming 'round the mountain in the next month. I'm really excited about this purchase. I feel so adult. My main dilemma right now is whether or not I should go new or used. Any thoughts? Suggestions? I am keeping her identity veiled for the moment in the event that plans fall through, you, as my devoted readers, are not as disappointed as I am. We all need to stay emotionally guarded at this point...

Because I needed a new post and I'm lacking in creativity

I came across some individuals' blogs. These are individuals that I do not know well but, after finding their blogs, know much more about them than ever before. They seemed to use their blog as a colloquial canvas of their thoughts and emotions. I thought... "Gee... am I depriving my readers from knowing my inner-most thoughts? Do I not express enough of my deepest darkest secrets through the world wide web for all to see?" And my response to myself was... "No. And I'm fine with that." That being said... I've decided to post a small glimpse into the person that is Kelley.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:10, for good.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, but I only own fake ones. I do own real pearls. Donna Reed is so proud.

3. What is the last film that you saw at the cinema? U-2 live in 3D (Exploris). Sooo rad! Although I could have done without the subliminal political plugs. By subliminal, I really mean giant flashing words right in my face. Literally. They were in 3D. It was what I always imagined brain-washing to be like.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Gilmore Girls. We hang out every day.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? yogurt, apple, string cheese

6. What is your middle name? Kelley

7. What food do you dislike? olives, cauliflower, mustard, "Southwest" style anything

8. What is your favorite cd? currently... I listen to my ipod most of the time but within the ipod, I've been listening to the latest Maroon 5 a lot

9. What kind of car do you drive? Mitsi Mirage. Soon a Scion tc (hopefully. wish me luck)

10. Favorite sandwich? #8 at Jersey Mikes. my ol stand by

11. What characteristic do you despise? closed-minded. judgmental. inability to think outside the box.

12. Favorite item of clothing? my hoodies. I hug them every night before I go to bed. we're that close.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Private yacht around the Mediterranean for a month or so.

14. What color is your bathroom? The walls are a giant map of the world. My knowledge of world geography has increased due to my lengthy showers. Although it still has "Zaire".

15. Favorite brand of clothing? American Eagle jeans on boys are quite yummy. Oh, was this about me? Ok, I still really like AE jeans.

16. Where would you retire to? Outer Banks or Hawaii. Somewhere slow.

17. What was your most memorable birthday? 24 was pretty cool. Only time I ever got a surprise party.

18. Favorite sport to watch? College basketball (go heels!!) or soccer

19. Favorite saying? I don't know if it's my favorite, but lately I've been saying a lot: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME!!?!?

20. Your birthday- August. Yes the whole month. I accept presents from days 1-31, with emphasis on the 16th.

21. Are you a morning or night person? night!

22. What is your shoe size? 8, although that has recently been put into question

23. Pets? 2 cats

24. Any new and exciting news that you would like to share with us? I am actively pursuing a new vehicle.

25. What did you want to be when you were little? professional soccer player, marine biologist, or super hero. I am currently 1-2.

26. How are you today? distracted

27. What is your favorite candy? hershey kisses

28. What is your favorite flower? I think I like orchids.

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? March 27 - Krissy comes home!

30. What are you listening to right now? AOL Radio. Currently Timbaland-Scream.

31. What was the last thing you ate? black cherry yogurt

32. Do you wish on stars? yes, the last time I was in my princess dress

33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? midnight blue. dark and sparkling. (that was beautiful).

34. How is the weather right now? Sunny and breezy

35. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew. but we broke up in college.

36. Favorite day of the year? Christmas Eve

37. What was your favorite toy as a kid? Legos

38. Summer or winter? Summer

39. Hugs or kisses? both. at the same time! Booyah!

40. Coffee or tea? herbal tea, with lots of honey or splenda

41. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate

42. When was the last time you cried? Saturday...............

43. What is under your bed? wrapping paper box

44. Who is the friend that you have had the longest? my best friend Erica

45. What did you do last night? shopped, FHE, chit chat and ice cream with my cousin

46. Favorite smell? men. truly.

47. What are you afraid of? failure and inability

48. Salty or sweet? sweet

49. How many keys on your ring? 5

50. How many years at your current job? 3. wow. I'm so mature

51. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

52. How many states have you lived in? 6

53. Do you make friends easily? most of the time. but clearly none of them actually read my blog!!!

You aint got no PANCAKE MIX!!!

*warning. links on this post are not guaranteed to be "family friendly". enter at your own risk. and don't get mad at me.*

This weekend I went to the Will Ferrell college comedy tour - Funny or Die, presented by Semi-Pro (the new Will Ferrell movie) at the Dean Dome in Chapel Hill. Everyone's question to me when I told them I was going to see this show was... "Is Will Ferrell actually going to be there?!?" The answer. "YES!" The show was freakin hilarious. Will acted more as the MC. He started out the show with some goofy Will Ferrell-ness, to include coming out in a Duke sweatshirt to an arena full of BOOs, then ripping it off to reveal a UNC sweatshirt underneath. He brought three other guys with him who took up most of the show. Dimitri Martin, Nick Swardson, and Zach Galifianakis - three very talented, very funny comics. The humor was a bit crass... but still very witty and funny.

Will came out between comics and did a little something each time. After the first guy, he did a question and answer with the audience, while riding around the stage on a Jazzy (a motorized scooter for the elderly). After the second comic, he came out as Ron Burgundy, completely in character. He was setting it up for an interview and brought out Roy Williams. He's the head coach of the UNC basketball team for those of you that shouldn't be my friend if you dont know that. The whole place went crazy. (See video here. It's only about half of the interview, but you get the idea.) They discussed how Tyler Hansbrough is "psycho" and the recent words exchanged with Coach K. The last bit of the show was everyone coming out and singing to "No One" with a giant rainbow in the backdrop.

The stand up acts were incredibly funny. I'd never been to a live comedy show before and I'm glad I made this one my first. Will Ferrell's humor is so unique. He's so effortless in his humor. Most of the guys made multiple jokes with North Carolina specific referrences... like Bojangles and "deep fried sweet tea"... understandably to appease the packed NC crowd. Will even mentioned that next to Charlotte (where he filmed "Talladega Nights") his favorite NC city was Sanford. If you know anything about Sanford, you understand why that is so funny. I was overall very entertained and have a huge new list of jokes to add to my repertoire.

Why Women Aren't Funny

I recently came across an article (by a man) about why women aren't funny. I'm not going to post the entire article but the overall ruling was that the main difference between men and women that cause men to be funny and women not, is intelligence. Women's humor is more intellectual and therefore have a higher threshold of funny. Sounds nice and complimentary right? Not so much...

Here's a little snippet from the article regarding the need for men to be funny: "The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex... . An average man has just one, outside chance: he had better be able to make the lady laugh." That seems like a reasonable argument for why men ARE funny: because they HAVE to be. But that doesn't neccessarily mean that the opposite is true - that women AREN'T funny because they dont need to be. Man to a woman: "You're funny! Were you a fat child? Well they say that pretty women are never funny becuase they never had to be."

He later states in the article that "Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence. Men will laugh at almost anything, often precisely because it is—or they are—extremely stupid. Women aren't like that." But then he follows up with "Precisely because humor is a sign of intelligence (and many women believe, or were taught by their mothers, that they become threatening to men if they appear too bright), it could be that in some way men do not want women to be funny. They want them as an audience, not as rivals." Stupid male ego.

The conclusion that I drew from the article is that woman are fully capable of being funny but just aren't funny to MEN, at least not the stupid ones that are insecure in their manhood. There is a term that I often use to describe a certain type of movie or show... usually one to feature Will Ferrell or Dane Cook and, unfortunately, SNL under crappy writers... and that is "boy humor". I do not claim to have coined the phrase but I'm sure others can imagine what this involves: lots of swearing, bodily functions, nudity, self-mutilation of various forms... an overall lack of creativity and intelligence. You get the idea. So because women do not find blue darts hilarious therefore means that we are the humor-less sex?

Along these same lines, he says that "filth" is the basis of 50% of all humor and that is why women aren't as funny, because filth is not funny to women. So my new conclusion, with this understanding, is that men are responsible for the influx of filth into our society. If we didn't have men's lower, more disgusting senses of humor to cater to, then the world of American humor may be a bit cleaner....

New Kids Nostalgia

In recent news, I found that the beloved New Kids on the Block (aka NKOTB) are rumored to be reuniting for a tour. I cannot tell you the excitement that I felt as I think back to those days of lunch boxes, Teen Beat pin-ups, t-shirts, earrings... (need I go on?) and realize that the joy that was brought into my life by 5 boys from Boston as a young girl could be returned. I remember having a babysitter that went to one of the concerts and I was sooo jealous. I have decided that if they do in fact go on tour, I WILL be there. I may not be the weepy, fainting fan I would have been 15 years ago, but nonetheless, I can still appreciate them on a more mature level.... kinda.

One thing I've noticed over the years in my conversations with other girls that were once obsessed with the New Kids, is that we all had a favorite. It's true. Just one. Every girl was different. Most loved little Joey McIntyre and Jordan Knight. Personally, I was in love with Donnie Wahlberg... the "bad boy" of the group and brother to previously-pants-dropping-Marky Mark. I think it was the cut-up jeans and surly looks that did it for me. Now, as an adult with other adult friends that loved New Kids, I think there was more to the New Kids adoration than we thought. I believe that a girl's initial love of her respective New Kid may be an indication for the kind of man she'll eventually fall for. This cannot be accurately judged in my case since I am unwed (those of you that know me can probably think of some statistics of my record that may support this theory). I'll list my thoughts on the men, and you women out there that once loved a New Kid, can be the judge of whether or not this theory holds some validity.

Johnathan Knight - the older and more mature, probably the only one to have a 401K, quiet and reserved, the boy you'd definitely bring home to mom and dad, a writer or other creative type, didn't seek out fame but has a genuine love for talent and the arts

Jordan Knight - the super-cute ladies man, outgoing and social, flirtatious not b/c he was a player but b/c he was honestly a really nice guy, most likely a student athlete and helps old ladies cross the street on his way to Bible study.

Danny Wood - really goofy and loveable, loyal friend, a hidden gem with a great personality, not always in the limelight but ok with that.... although rumored he was gay there for a while... not sure if that's relevant for anyone...

Donnie Wahlberg - the standard bad boy, overall a great guy with an awesome sense of humor, scruffy good looks but with a little edge, he may have smoked a cig or two when he was 14 but has since realized that the ladiez dont actually like a real bad boy, just one that looks and acts the part.

Joey McIntyre - the cutey-patooty everywhere he goes, genuine innocence and the quiet boy scout image. a lot of personality with clean cut good looks. (not gay even though he's been in Broadway musicals).

It's been a while since me and the boys hung out so I may be a little off in my assessments. Maybe I'll dig out my Teen Beats for old times sake and create another "boy wall" in my room. (In case any of you were wondering, I did NOT have to look up the names or conduct any other research while writing this post...)